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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27204493">Panic Attacks</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baked_Apple_Pie/pseuds/Baked_Apple_Pie'>Baked_Apple_Pie</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Destiel Panic Attack Prompts/Ideas [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Castiel Helps to Heal Him, Dean Winchester Needs Castiel, Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Oneshot, Panic Attacks, Pretty Detailed Panic Attacks, dean winchester is hurting, trigger warning?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 18:07:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,340</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27204493</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baked_Apple_Pie/pseuds/Baked_Apple_Pie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester needs his angel, more than anything.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Destiel Panic Attack Prompts/Ideas [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2000209</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>73</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Panic Attacks</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So this is a oneshot idea I had, and this will be featured around some of Deans worst panic attacks and Castiels comforting him.</p><p>This contains some pretty detailed panic attacks, so if that upsets you in any way, please don’t read.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The first time it happened, Dean was convinced it didn’t mean anything. It was right after Zachariah had zapped him, after he had called Sam about meeting up again and was getting ready to leave the dingy hotel he had crashed at for the night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Too many things were running through his head. Sam, in that damned white suit and a cold sneer on his usually warm face. His own body, dead on the floor. And… and Cas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean pushes Cas out of his head, that’s not going to help him. He hauls his duffel over his shoulder and skips down the stairs in front of the motel building, stopping in front of the Impala, which he parked behind the building.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Halfway into the long car ride to meet up with Sam, Dean’s mind started to wander again. What happened to Cas? Why did he stay behind on earth? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why didn't the future him try to save him?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why did the future him give him up?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean shook his head, growling slightly. He didn’t have time to wonder about the stupid angel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The stupid angel that saved him from hell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The stupid angel that he repaid by using as a distraction for the enemy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At some point, Dean had stopped breathing, trying to inhale air into his lungs but not being able to, heart beating a million times a second. Swerving to the side of the road, Dean all but fell out of the Impala as he staggered over to a couple of raggedy bushes on the side of the highway, puking his guts out into them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t breath. His heart was going to beat out of his chest. The sounds of traffic in the distance deafened him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And a hand found its place on his back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was hot, searing hot, and felt as if it was going to burn a hole through him, but it felt good. It felt grounding. And then a familiar voice sounded over the sounds of the noise, the noise that Dean just wanted to stop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Breathe.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” The voice commanded him, and he wanted to tell him that he couldn’t, that there was no air for him to breathe, but then he was pulled against a chest, a </span>
  <em>
    <span>breathing</span>
  </em>
  <span> chest, and he was copying the breaths, and he could breathe, and his heart stopped screaming, and the traffic dulled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And salty tears spilled over his cheeks as he clutched onto a familiar trench coat and shook, not caring about anything but being able to breathe again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At some point he stopped crying, and a few minutes later he stopped shaking, but his grip on Castiel's coat never wavered, and the warm hands on his back never moved.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually Dean pulled away, sitting back on his knees and rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands, pointedly not looking at Cas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” He finally managed to whisper, looking up. But the only thing that greeted him was the cold press of a water bottle into his hand and a ruffle of wings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>——————————</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The second time it happened, it was worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was right after Sam had jumped, and Dean was on his way to Lisa’s house. He could live a normal life. He could do that for Sammy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stopped for a restroom break halfway into town, going to a rundown gas station. There he bought two Gatorades and a pack of Doritos, only noticing afterwards that he had bought two drinks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Two.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But there was only one Winchester.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There wasn’t a Sammy anymore. He almost made it to the car before he broke down, barely making it to a disgusting trash can before he threw up again, a snake constricting around his chest, not letting him breathe, the air around him turning muggy, making his legs go to jelly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He fell to his knees, wheezing for breath, the sun to bright, the darkness to blinding, the soft music coming from inside the gas station to deafening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It hurt, everything hurt, he wanted it to stop, </span>
  <em>
    <span>god, make it stop!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>And then somebody was pulling the constricting tightness of the snake off his chest, someone was making the light and darkness and</span>
  <em>
    <span> all of it</span>
  </em>
  <span> go away, someone was making the world go quiet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Dean didn’t even hesitate to fall into Castiel's embrace, squeezing his eyes shut and not even crying nor shaking this time, just silent, just still, no more than a dead weight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time he didn’t want to pull away, he just wanted to stay in Castiel's overwhelmingly comforting warmth for the rest of his life, but he pulled away. He didn’t want to scare away Cas, he wouldn’t be able to bear it if his angel saw him as repulsive as he really is.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cas—“ he begins, voice wobbling. But all Castiel does is lead and help him into Baby, silently placing the Gatorades and chips in the passenger seat, as well as place a cool hand on top of Deans overheating one for half a second before disappearing again, with nothing more than a ruffle of feathers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>——————————</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The third time it happens, Dean wishes he was dead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because Cas’ dirty trench coat is bundled in his arms, blood and black goo speckled all over it, and he barely makes it into the disgusting hotel bathroom before he’s throwing up everything he’d eaten in what seemed like the past decade, tears running down his face and into his mouth, which only made him heave more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even after his stomach was empty he continued to gag, and even after he couldn’t cry anymore he continued to shake, and he stayed like that, a pathetic mess of a person lying on a bathroom floor, face buried in a dirty trench coat as he prayed to every deity he could think of to bring him back, to please, god, </span>
  <em>
    <span>bring him back.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>And this time there was no one to mute the sounds of the buzzing of Bobby and Sam talking in the living room, to dull the brightness of the blinding lightbulb in this disgusting bathroom, to make the silent noise in his head </span>
  <em>
    <span>stop.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>And even though he prayed, with every fiber of his being for his angel to come back to him, for his angel to hold him close so that Dean could hear him breath, Castiel never answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And eventually Dean fell asleep, tear tracks dried on his face as he leaned against the wall of the bathroom, curled around the dirty trench coat of his angel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>——————————</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The last time it happens, Dean doesn’t even hesitate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He jolts awake from the nightmares that haunt him every night, about everything he’s ever done, everything that proves he’s a monster. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He lies still for a total of ten seconds, before rolling out of bed and padding down the hallway of the bunker and slips into Cas’ room, not even bothering to knock. And the angel blinks his eyes blearily at Dean from his bed, not even hesitating to hold out his arms and Dean all but leaps into them, burying his face in his angel's neck as he fights off the impending panic attack.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Castiel rubs his hands in soothing circles on Deans back, exaggerating his breathing and murmuring to him softly, not saying anything, just making comforting sounds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And when Dean finally calms down he doesn’t pull away, merely adjusts his position in Cas’ arms and laying his head against his chest, gripping the angels shirt softly in one hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… uh, I—“ Dean begins, talking a couple of deep breaths. But Cas beats him to it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you,” His angel murmurs softly to him, already half asleep. Dean sighs in relief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, me-me too. I… I love you too. More than anything.” And although Cas doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t need to. His arms tightening around Dean is quite enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Dean sighs happily and goes back to sleep in his angels arms, not haunted by a single nightmare for the rest of the night.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Let me know what you think, and feel free to tell me any prompts or ideas you have!</p><p>-Apple</p></blockquote></div></div>
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